Tough Love. This is the love you receive that is often uninvited but it's given for the greater good. Then there's self-love. Self-love, is learning to love yourself.
Learning to love myself has been my tough love. Being loving towards myself was initially uninvited. It was not welcomed. It felt uncomfortable, unnatural. It felt plain weird. But, I kept going...for the greater good.
I knew that without building a deep and loving relationship with myself, it would be impossible to attract or accept love from someone else. So, I needed to learn how to do this or else nothing would change.
But how? How do we love ourselves? How do we embrace the person we are completely and unconditionally? It seemed like such a daunting task. Especially when I was so used to beating myself up, berating myself and giving myself a hard time for the littlest of things.
For me, the self-help approach was most effective. I thought about the things that I wasn't quite so proud of that I could tweak. I thought about the best version of me that I wanted to be. The me I would be proud of. So I set about doing the things I thought I needed to do to get there.
My codependent behaviours featured high on my "to tweak" list. I read, I googled, I journalled, I cried, I became a hermit, I healed, I did self-help exercises, I read about people's stories. And slowly the love grew.
As my self love grew, I started to challenge myself further. I set myself daily challenges. Everything from a "speak up challenge" which required me to avoid placing the needs of others before my own to a "one thing I love about myself a day" challenge.
At first it felt as though someone was sticking a fork in my eye! It was VERY uncomfortable. Then something started to shift and I noticed a change. I started to feel lighter, happier, flow-ier. I was starting to love myself.
From here, it all snowballed (in a totally good way). I began to question my beliefs about myself. For every negative, limiting belief I had, I changed it to a positive, uplifting one. I found that I was listening to my self talk and paying more attention to the way I was treating myself.
After some time of what I like to call BTT (Behaviour Tweaking Therapy-my own term), positive affirmations entered my life. I began to change my thought processes. With this came some of the toughest work I have ever had to do. I started mirror work and established a relationship with my inner child through letter writing. It was this deeper therapy that moved mountains.
And so, here I am today feeling more love for myself, more fulfilled and more at peace than I have ever felt before. There are still times when Negative Nancy pays a visit but the difference is that she doesn't stay long. She knows she is an unwelcomed guest.
Its been tough. Very. It's been tough love. But it has been so worth it. I have noticed that loving myself more and changing my attitude towards myself has seen others treat me in a more loving way. I am also attracting more loving experiences in my life and happier, more loving people. And the most amazing thing I have discovered? That self-love isn't quite so tough anymore.
Learning to love myself has been my tough love. Being loving towards myself was initially uninvited. It was not welcomed. It felt uncomfortable, unnatural. It felt plain weird. But, I kept going...for the greater good.
I knew that without building a deep and loving relationship with myself, it would be impossible to attract or accept love from someone else. So, I needed to learn how to do this or else nothing would change.
But how? How do we love ourselves? How do we embrace the person we are completely and unconditionally? It seemed like such a daunting task. Especially when I was so used to beating myself up, berating myself and giving myself a hard time for the littlest of things.
For me, the self-help approach was most effective. I thought about the things that I wasn't quite so proud of that I could tweak. I thought about the best version of me that I wanted to be. The me I would be proud of. So I set about doing the things I thought I needed to do to get there.
My codependent behaviours featured high on my "to tweak" list. I read, I googled, I journalled, I cried, I became a hermit, I healed, I did self-help exercises, I read about people's stories. And slowly the love grew.
As my self love grew, I started to challenge myself further. I set myself daily challenges. Everything from a "speak up challenge" which required me to avoid placing the needs of others before my own to a "one thing I love about myself a day" challenge.
At first it felt as though someone was sticking a fork in my eye! It was VERY uncomfortable. Then something started to shift and I noticed a change. I started to feel lighter, happier, flow-ier. I was starting to love myself.
From here, it all snowballed (in a totally good way). I began to question my beliefs about myself. For every negative, limiting belief I had, I changed it to a positive, uplifting one. I found that I was listening to my self talk and paying more attention to the way I was treating myself.
After some time of what I like to call BTT (Behaviour Tweaking Therapy-my own term), positive affirmations entered my life. I began to change my thought processes. With this came some of the toughest work I have ever had to do. I started mirror work and established a relationship with my inner child through letter writing. It was this deeper therapy that moved mountains.
And so, here I am today feeling more love for myself, more fulfilled and more at peace than I have ever felt before. There are still times when Negative Nancy pays a visit but the difference is that she doesn't stay long. She knows she is an unwelcomed guest.
Its been tough. Very. It's been tough love. But it has been so worth it. I have noticed that loving myself more and changing my attitude towards myself has seen others treat me in a more loving way. I am also attracting more loving experiences in my life and happier, more loving people. And the most amazing thing I have discovered? That self-love isn't quite so tough anymore.