As I step off the train at Codependent Ville I realise that I am the only one to get off at the station. On the platform before me I see all the people of my past and present. All the people which have experienced my codependency first hand - ex boyfriends, family and friends. And I see me....codependent me. I know this me very well. This me people pleases, this me puts the needs of others before my own, this me does things for others in order to be liked, this me worries about what other people think.
I spent a long time being completely unaware of this me. I know why, it was not a me I liked or was proud of. Looking back I have always been this way although I didn't know it at the time. This me will still visit from time to time. For a long time she was an unwelcomed guest. Now, I recognise that this me is a part of the person I am. I am the person I am because of my upbringing, my values, my experiences and I wouldn't change that for anything.
This is what I know about codependency. Codependency is loving someone more than you love yourself. Codepenency is placing someone's needs before your own. Codependency is saying yes (when you want to say no) out of fear that you won't be liked or accepted. Codependency is looking for outside validation. Codependeny is losing sight of your true, authentic self. What I also know is that you cannot love yourself when you are in a codependent state. When you are in this state you place everyone else before the most important person in your life....you. When you put everyone elses needs before your own you are failing to do one of the most important things. You are failing to love yourself.
I have learnt a lot from the codependent me. That she was scared, that she felt unloved, that she was fearful, that she needed to feel in control in order to feel safe. I have also learnt that by challenging these behaviours that I am happier, more relaxed and a more authentic version of myself.
And this is what I know about 'no' dependency. No dependency is liberating, it is uncomplicated, it is a place of sunshine and rainbows and I feel happy and light when I'm there.
It is definitely a work in progress but I much prefer it here. For me, living in No Dependent Ville is a happier place to be but it is hard work every day. I need to make a conscious effort to say no when it would be much easier to say yes. I need to put myself first above anyone else. I need to love myself enough to let people see the true 'warts and all' me and (try to) be completely 100% ok with that.
What I know about living in No Dependent Ville is that overall, I respect, value and honour myself more. It would be easy to revert back to that familiar, codependent place I know so well. But, I realise it is much easier on my heart in the long run to resist going there in order to obtain true happiness and above all, unconditional self love.
I spent a long time being completely unaware of this me. I know why, it was not a me I liked or was proud of. Looking back I have always been this way although I didn't know it at the time. This me will still visit from time to time. For a long time she was an unwelcomed guest. Now, I recognise that this me is a part of the person I am. I am the person I am because of my upbringing, my values, my experiences and I wouldn't change that for anything.
This is what I know about codependency. Codependency is loving someone more than you love yourself. Codepenency is placing someone's needs before your own. Codependency is saying yes (when you want to say no) out of fear that you won't be liked or accepted. Codependency is looking for outside validation. Codependeny is losing sight of your true, authentic self. What I also know is that you cannot love yourself when you are in a codependent state. When you are in this state you place everyone else before the most important person in your life....you. When you put everyone elses needs before your own you are failing to do one of the most important things. You are failing to love yourself.
I have learnt a lot from the codependent me. That she was scared, that she felt unloved, that she was fearful, that she needed to feel in control in order to feel safe. I have also learnt that by challenging these behaviours that I am happier, more relaxed and a more authentic version of myself.
And this is what I know about 'no' dependency. No dependency is liberating, it is uncomplicated, it is a place of sunshine and rainbows and I feel happy and light when I'm there.
It is definitely a work in progress but I much prefer it here. For me, living in No Dependent Ville is a happier place to be but it is hard work every day. I need to make a conscious effort to say no when it would be much easier to say yes. I need to put myself first above anyone else. I need to love myself enough to let people see the true 'warts and all' me and (try to) be completely 100% ok with that.
What I know about living in No Dependent Ville is that overall, I respect, value and honour myself more. It would be easy to revert back to that familiar, codependent place I know so well. But, I realise it is much easier on my heart in the long run to resist going there in order to obtain true happiness and above all, unconditional self love.