There are only so many times you can react to what someone says or does and take it to heart before the heart and your inner self start to suffer.
I have been rocking this kind of heart ache for as long as I can remember. I have taken things personally and told myself that it must mean they I am not liked. I'm not good enough. I'm not loved.
The pressure of carrying those feelings around 24/7 is immense. It's a burden. It feels as though you are always in a state of hyper alert, waiting for the next attack on your heart. That's where my little 'Love Warriors' camp out with their love heart bows and arrows...but sometimes they're just too tired to fight.
After 40 years of fighting, I have no fight left. I no longer want to be in this alerted state. I don't want to feel that level of constant pain anymore.
So, how do you change a life time habit of not feeling good enough to feeling like you are the shiniest, brightest star in the sky? Good question. Needless to say, it is a work in progress. Here's the short (give peace a chance) list:
- Get to the real source of why you feel this way. Dig deep. We're talking archaeology style. Excavate and get down into the pits. These deeply engrained feelings are usually developed in childhood or through a traumatic experience. As a child, I don't remember being asked for my opinion, asked how I was. I don't really remember being asked anything. I don't remember being listened to. It was more a seen but not heard kinda thing. This lack of acknowledgement has led to a lack of self worth and self love.
- Consider your beliefs about yourself. Our beliefs take shape in the early formative years and are usually mirror images of our parents beliefs. They can also come from teachers, friends, an authority figure or any one close to us. What people may not know is that beliefs are only thoughts. They are thoughts about what you believe and as Louise Hay eloquently states..."thoughts can be changed."
Every belief we have can be shifted. Hold the phone I hear you say. Shocking but true. "I'm not good enough" can easily be changed to "I am important, valued and super special."The tricky but most important step is to believe it. Those default, sneaky childhood beliefs will try to make their way back in. It takes persistence to change and most importantly, believe in your new beliefs.
- Face the issue head on. A very wise person once told me that if you place a rotten apple in the bottom of a barrel then pile juicy red apple's on top of them until the barrel is full, the juicy red apples will eventually turn rotten too. It's the same as our thoughts. We can shower positive affirmations on our negative thoughts until they are water logged but until we recognise the issue...the rotten apple, look it in the eye and face it head on...the rotten thoughts will remain. The pain will persist.
- Feel the feelings. This is a big one! In order to move forward, I have found the following to be most effective: firstly acknowledging the feeling, then accepting it, expressing it and releasing it in a healthy way. We've all heard of the adage, " What we resist, persists." Yup. Enough said.
Every day is a new day. A day to accept, move through and move forward. What is placed on our path is an opportunity for learning and growth. It is definately a work in progress. Is it easy? Ummmmmmm, no. Is it worth it? Yes sir-eeeeee.
I consciously remind myself every day of my worth. That I am the most amazing version of me. That there is no one like me in the entire Universe. It is only then, when accessing complete self acceptance and self love that the actions and words of others have little effect anymore. The default responses are no longer ones that cause pain and heartache but learning and gratitude. That's about the time that I realise that the WTF's can be transformed into I❤U's.
I have been rocking this kind of heart ache for as long as I can remember. I have taken things personally and told myself that it must mean they I am not liked. I'm not good enough. I'm not loved.
The pressure of carrying those feelings around 24/7 is immense. It's a burden. It feels as though you are always in a state of hyper alert, waiting for the next attack on your heart. That's where my little 'Love Warriors' camp out with their love heart bows and arrows...but sometimes they're just too tired to fight.
After 40 years of fighting, I have no fight left. I no longer want to be in this alerted state. I don't want to feel that level of constant pain anymore.
So, how do you change a life time habit of not feeling good enough to feeling like you are the shiniest, brightest star in the sky? Good question. Needless to say, it is a work in progress. Here's the short (give peace a chance) list:
- Get to the real source of why you feel this way. Dig deep. We're talking archaeology style. Excavate and get down into the pits. These deeply engrained feelings are usually developed in childhood or through a traumatic experience. As a child, I don't remember being asked for my opinion, asked how I was. I don't really remember being asked anything. I don't remember being listened to. It was more a seen but not heard kinda thing. This lack of acknowledgement has led to a lack of self worth and self love.
- Consider your beliefs about yourself. Our beliefs take shape in the early formative years and are usually mirror images of our parents beliefs. They can also come from teachers, friends, an authority figure or any one close to us. What people may not know is that beliefs are only thoughts. They are thoughts about what you believe and as Louise Hay eloquently states..."thoughts can be changed."
Every belief we have can be shifted. Hold the phone I hear you say. Shocking but true. "I'm not good enough" can easily be changed to "I am important, valued and super special."The tricky but most important step is to believe it. Those default, sneaky childhood beliefs will try to make their way back in. It takes persistence to change and most importantly, believe in your new beliefs.
- Face the issue head on. A very wise person once told me that if you place a rotten apple in the bottom of a barrel then pile juicy red apple's on top of them until the barrel is full, the juicy red apples will eventually turn rotten too. It's the same as our thoughts. We can shower positive affirmations on our negative thoughts until they are water logged but until we recognise the issue...the rotten apple, look it in the eye and face it head on...the rotten thoughts will remain. The pain will persist.
- Feel the feelings. This is a big one! In order to move forward, I have found the following to be most effective: firstly acknowledging the feeling, then accepting it, expressing it and releasing it in a healthy way. We've all heard of the adage, " What we resist, persists." Yup. Enough said.
Every day is a new day. A day to accept, move through and move forward. What is placed on our path is an opportunity for learning and growth. It is definately a work in progress. Is it easy? Ummmmmmm, no. Is it worth it? Yes sir-eeeeee.
I consciously remind myself every day of my worth. That I am the most amazing version of me. That there is no one like me in the entire Universe. It is only then, when accessing complete self acceptance and self love that the actions and words of others have little effect anymore. The default responses are no longer ones that cause pain and heartache but learning and gratitude. That's about the time that I realise that the WTF's can be transformed into I❤U's.